Dear Jeff...

It dawned on me today that out of everyone I haven't really wrote Jeff a letter...

The person that over the years I have molded my whole life around... I don't think he realizes how big of an impact he has had on my life and the choices that I have made because he influenced them, no matter if it was because he said something or because he left a thought in my head that told me what I needed to do, or what he thought i needed to do...

Jeff,

I think out of all of us kids, I think the most like you... I am not really one to express myself in public, or pretend to be someones friend when I could care less. I think I have learned that just like you the less people in my life the happier I am. I don't need a ton of "friends" I just need the few that have stood by me..

I know you don't say that you love me or that you really tell anyone but Jen and Mom that, which by me is OK because those are the people who need to hear those words the most. Jeff I have no problem helping you or doing the things that you ask of me because I know you would do the same...

It's odd how we have grown up and just started to kinda know what the other one is thinking, or feeling. We are a family of few words most of the time, we have always stood by what is right, though we have stumbled and fallen backwards, we have not forgotten our parents, or each other.

I know you are going to make a great dad... You have a great example that I hope you take the lessons he has taught you and instill them into your child. I know you will be just as good as our dad was to us. Or in Dad's wishes an even better dad then him, because he knows that you will be great. You have no problem taking the hand of a person and leading by example. You have been wise and your choices in life that will be the best for you and commend you for them. You have lead by example your whole life for Jason and I. I don't think that we would have been the same if you weren't around. I know I would have a lot less bruises and scars, but they always make a great story.

You are a great brother, a great friend, a great husband, a great solider, and soon to be a great dad. I have all of the Faith in you that you can lead this child down the right path of life, that you can hold him into the sky like the Lion King, and declare that this boy will carry on a great name and the great qualities of a leader.

but just because no one really talks in this family... doesn't mean we don't love each other very much.





Love you.

Christin

Worthless.

It really isn't as hard as I thought to just feel worthless. I know that I have a great husband and a great family... but sometimes I just feel worthless. Kyle is really good at making me feel important... Making me feel like I am doing as good as I can and that my best IS good enough, but sometimes I look around and see certain people who are so self absorbed that I feel like maybe I should be more like them... So.. People will start caring. Is that stupid of me? Am I honestly worth something? Things just seem to get out of control and I just can't stop it...

Jessie's blog...

One Jessie I would love to know how you get so many followers, I guess I am just a lame-o. Which is cool always gotten along better with them anyways.

Kinda funny how everything can be related to people in some way or another. Jessie's blog (my sister's blog) Though I can't truly connect everything in her latest post to myself. I know that what she said is true and honest.

Kyle and I got married early, really early. Do I think it was a mistake? Not in the slightest. I always joke that God gave me Kyle early on in life cause he knows that I am going to struggle later on in life/ he felt bad for me because the carpet next to my bed had knee marks that I still cant get out of the carpet. I found the person who didn't only accept the fact that I had plenty of baggage but that I had more then most. More then I tell people. There are things that I still haven't told my family that has happened to me. Am I ready? not in the slightest. Kyle not only helped me carry my baggage up the hundred flights of stairs but he also helped me unpack that baggage. He has seen me cry, fight, and scream from dreams. Sometimes he will even stay up and watch the food network channel with me just so I will stop crying...

Sometimes I know others don't get so lucky in life and so early in life as I have... Sometimes people search their whole lives trying to find the person that wants to be there for them not only because they feel they have an obligation after some time but because when they look into your eyes they want to see the smile that has caused so much happiness in their own lives...

Jessie.... Sometimes I think Jessie has forgotten about all the lives she has changed by just being there, by just smiling, by just being Jessie. I know that we haven't always been the best buds that we are now, but I have never ever stopped worshiping the ground my big sister walks on, because she has the courage to deal with what I am dealing with on the outside instead of dealing with inside. I can't believe how much strength she has had to start her life over and to make herself and of course Gus (her dog) first. I know she has knocked over her glass of life and only picked up the parts she wanted and put them back into the glass. Though she has baggage... She is one of the sweetest, kindest, people I ever met, and I know that no matter where she goes in this big world she will touch a heart that will forever remember who Jessie is and what she stands for.

Life is always a struggle some have it easier then others, but I can't think of a better person who has pulled their pants down and mooned life and said I can do this while the whole world was crashing down around them....

Jessie I don't know how you do it. Some time in this life time I will make sure that I use my ninja skills and read your mind just so I can know how you keep that smile that sometimes gets lost...

Sometimes I just listen to the song Jessie and I found a while back by Rascal Flatts and just cry a little because I remember that even though life gets me I always shake it off and on my own two feet I face the world with a smile..

The song is called stand. Here is just a bit of it..


You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless, like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

Every time you get up and get back in the race
One more small piece of you starts to fall into place


‘Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend ‘til you break
‘Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

Christin

Long while...

I haven't blogged in a while.. I think it's about time that I do a blog...

Things have been good in the great corn state. We have painted my bedroom. Purple and teal. I looks really awesome. We have also painted Jeff's room. It is also a really nice color. Jax has constantly been on my lap I missed that so much. I don't know how I survived without my partner in crime, my best friend. I love him greatly. On another note Kyle and I have been looking for another car. we need a second car with me going to try and work. Gotta love trying to find cheap enough cars that aren't horrible. Oh well. It was a great mothers day we have pretty much been relaxing. Hopefully April liked her present. As well as my own mother. But... Mothers day does mean that my birthday is just that much close. :D This weekend will hopefully be great. Get to see Jeff, homemade ice cream and strawberry cake. I do hope I see my sister. I haven't seen her in... A really long time... Just would be nice. I wish Jason was coming home. I would love that. Guess I will hopefully see him soon.. Not much else to say. This is a big month this month and I can't wait to see my husband. I miss him greatly. but this visit has been for the good. would just be nice to sleep in his arms again. I sound sappy. I just miss him..

Unstoppable

So, so you made a lot of mistakes
Walked down the road a little sideways
Cracked a rib when you hit the wall
Yeah, you've had a pocket full of regrets
Pull you down faster than a sunset
Hey, it happens to us all

When the cold hard rain just won't quit
And you can't see your way out of it

You find your faith has been lost and shaken
You take back what's been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don't give in
It'll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable

Love, it wear the ring of stone
Bring you back to being born again
oh, it's a helping hand when you need it most
A lighthouse shining on the coast
That never goes dim

When your heart is full of doubt
And you think that there's no way out
Like a river keeps on rolling
Like the north wind blowing
Don't it feel good knowing
Yeah



Love is unstoppable
So you made a lot of mistakes
Walked down the road a little sideways
Love, love is unstoppable

Running away...

So I have a tendency to run away from my problems... Not from school, work or family. but from friends and people... I hate running away but sometimes I just felt I had no other choice BUT to run away from them... WELL I always always always felt bad about running I felt it was coward and childish to do... Well I finally got the answer to what I was looking for. I was reading cosmo (Thought not a lot of people take the magazine seriously I do!) and they had an article on the very thing that was bothering me at the time. They claimed that running away can sometimes be a great thing to do. That it isn't always a horrible idea to run away from the situation. As long as you are grown up and mature about it. If you have exhausted everything you can do that it is OK to walk away or even run as fast as possible away from the problem...

So! Dear Chili's people that have heard about me being back in town. I will be happily running away as far away from you people as fast as possible. Apparently me moving to New York wasn't enough. So now I am once again changing things around in my own life so that I have a chance to not get harassing phone calls and text messages. (The worst of it all... Everyone of you is older me...) I have not once returned your texts or given you the liberty of seeing me cry. I hate that I can't enjoy a place of food any more because of all the hate... Not even sure what I did. I am sorry for not wanting to date an illegal immigrant or sacrificing my standards to try and enjoy your company and friendship. Though I am not perfect and I have stumbled I will proudly move on from this horrible ordeal and make myself a better and happier person. I will not allow this gaping wound to be reopened any more... I will be happy.

(Sorry for the rant.. I needed to feel better who better then your blog)


Christin

Dear Dad...

The dad pictures...

Dad yes you are my hero.. We butt heads and karate chop each other in the mall, Or we chase each other with sticks and have light saber fights. You are one of the best dad's anyone could ask for... You may not always agree with what I say or do. but I know that you still care about me at the end of the day. You are my dad. I look just like you thought you being my dad was never a question. You curled my hair for show choir and taught me to be different to stand out live away from the norm. I am happy that you taught me things that I would have never learned with out you. You are my dad and all of us kids partner in crime. I wouldn't trade a day for anything that I have spent with you... I know it's hard to see us growing up. Leaving the house, and doing things that we have dreamed about... Dad I love you more then you will ever know. Though I don't always tell you... I still love you. You are the best of the best and I thank god everyday for you.





Christin